Introduction
One of the quieter but more liberating changes that comes with ageing is this: people start caring less about what others think. For some, it’s subtle. For others, it’s a full-on release from the social weight of expectations — and it can be deeply freeing.

That shift in perspective was one of the early realizations for the author and ageism expert who began studying the cultural and psychological dimensions of ageing nearly two decades ago — when she herself entered her 50s. “That’s when it hit me,” she writes, “this getting older thing was actually happening to me.”

What followed was a wave of unsolicited advice on how to age “well.” From the predictable — “stay active” — to the more prescriptive and patronizing — “age successfully” — the world was quick to offer its verdict on how older adults should conduct themselves.

Ageing: Buzzwords and Burdens

The term “active ageing” seemed self-evident: keep moving, stay involved, don’t become sedentary. But others, like “successful ageing,” struck her as problematic — even condescending. “In my opinion, if you wake up in the morning, you’re ageing successfully,” she writes.

Then came the most elusive phrase of all: “ageing gracefully.” It was this idea that gave her pause. What does ageing gracefully actually mean? And who gets to define it?

A Personal Encounter with Expectations

Although she had already authored a comprehensive book on ageism — the often-overlooked prejudice and discrimination based on age — she admits that she wasn’t entirely sure how to embody the ideal of ageing gracefully. And, by her own account, she didn’t feel she qualified.

A moment at a professional conference brought that insecurity into focus. A woman in an elevator spotted her name badge and asked, “Are you the one talking about ageing gracefully?”

Her instinctive response: “If that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve got the wrong person.”

The exchange, awkward yet honest, underscored a deeper truth: ageing gracefully doesn’t have to mean quiet, poised perfection. It can also mean clumsy, honest, and authentic.

Challenging Ageist Assumptions

This anecdote isn’t just about one moment. It highlights how ageist norms continue to shape expectations — especially for women — around how we “should” age: discreetly, silently, and without taking up too much space. But what if ageing was less about fitting a mold, and more about breaking free from it?

By questioning these norms, the author joins a growing number of voices calling for a more inclusive, honest, and human definition of ageing — one that leaves room for imperfection, change, and even a bit of rebellion.

Redefining Grace on Our Own Terms

In the end, the journey of ageing is uniquely personal. Some may find joy in embracing traditions or wellness routines; others may find freedom in ditching them altogether. What unites these experiences is the growing confidence that comes from no longer living under the weight of external judgment.

“Ageing gracefully,” then, doesn’t have to be about style, smoothness, or serenity. It can be about living truthfully, speaking plainly, and yes — even embracing your legendary clumsiness.

Because as long as you’re showing up and being real, you just might be ageing more gracefully than you think.